Borrowing Against Christmas

Just eight days until Christmas, and at 56, I can still feel the childhood echoes of excitement that I felt in anticipation of toys, of good food and treats, and of the smiles of exhausted parents who (unbeknownst to me at the time) had been up half the night putting toys together. The phrase “some assembly required” would always raise a rueful chuckle in Dad – and you did not want to get him started on the Coleco brand toys!

I never really had to assemble anything for my kids, thank the gods. Our greatest worry was to spend the same amount on each of them every Christmas. One thing I have never gotten used to though has been the pragmatic approach to gifts that my family has taken over the years.

As a perfect example, this year our grandson needed tires on his car and was trying to figure out how to afford them. He is a sophomore at Colorado State University (not actually germane to this story, but I like to brag), and has been taught well by his mom to budget effectively (another bragging opportunity). He has also always been meticulous about any sort of shopping from the time that he was little. He was never the kind of child to ask for everything in the world at Christmas-time. Instead he seemed to be weighing the pros and cons and cost of each toy under consideration. He could spend hours on the Target toy catalog and then hand it back to his Gigi and Bumpa with only two or three things circled. This behavior was not limited to special occasions either. It was torture to stand with him at the Chuckie Cheese’s counter selecting what combination of items would best suit him in exchange for the tickets he had earned playing countless games.

When Russell told us that he needed tires on his car, his Gigi and I did not hesitate to offer to buy a set for him. We were happy to do this because it would keep him safer, it would save him money, and it would likely save our daughter money. It was a win, win, win. Russell first offered to pay us back, which we turned down. Then he offered to pay half, and again we turned him down. He finally insisted on this being his Christmas present from us, and we relented.

Another example of this kind of behavior can be seen in my wife. Every year we try to make it up to Denver to a pet friendly hotel (can’t leave Mabel behind) and treat ourselves to a nice weekend during the Christmas season. This year was no different, and included a wonderful night at the Monaco, a meal not to be beat at Panzano’s (worth saving your pennies for!), and some fun shopping about town on Sunday. As we planned all this, my wife said to me, “This is our Christmas present to each other this year, right?” Yeesh!

I am uncomfortable with this because I am of the mind that if there is a need and we can afford it, we should just make the purchase without having my wife, or children, or grandchildren “borrow” against Christmas or a birthday or whatever occasion. Understand that my family is so practical that they may borrow months in advance of the holiday at times!

It’s not that I prefer to buy frivolous gifts, I often surprise them with practical gifts like a gift card or stationary. It’s not that I think they are being overly self-sacrificing (though they are incredibly considerate). It’s not that I am being impractical in terms of spending, it's just that they are being more practical than I. I guess my objection originates from wanting to surprise them. I want to have a choice of what I can get for them. There is joy for them in anticipation and unwrapping.

My wife and children are not as bothered by this as I. I know the kids have an unmatched record for being on Santa’s nice list (except perhaps for some high school years and even then, they weren’t too naughty), and that my wife and grandchildren are beyond reproach. So, I think they should all have at least something they want and not just something they need. Just some trinket at least that lets them know I have given them thought and might actually know them pretty well.

As selfish as it sounds, borrowing against Christmas doesn’t let me be Santa. Why can’t I be Santa? My beard is white, my eyes twinkle, I wear reading glasses, and I have the belly for it. I have also walked on a rooftop on Christmas Eve (once for my grandson Russell). And I am willing to become conversant with reindeer. Though I don’t know how to get around the neighborhood covenants against caribou.  It does make me wonder however, does pouting about not being able to be Santa make me a Grinch?

To my friends and family around the world:

Merry Christmas

Feliz Navidad

عيدميلادمجيد

کریسمس مبارک

Pay it Forward

It is funny how one thought in one direction can end up in an entirely unanticipated destination. This morning I was journaling and started off recalling my earliest memories of running. I started running with my father who was an early form of “health nut.” He was a health nut before there was such a thing. In the late sixties he was riding a bicycle to work, and was a runner before that. I came to believe this arose from his father dying of a heart attack when far to young. Sometimes I would run along with dad back when I was barely in double digits. He would slow his pace to accommodate my short legs and even shorter breath until I had to stop, and he had to go on. At this point I would walk the mile home alone in a security that most of us would not feel for a ten-year old walking home alone today.

It was a different time to be growing up (to weigh heavily on an overused platitude), especially in a small town. It was a safer world. Our mischief was not the mischief of youths today. Today, the misadventures of too many youths seem to be attempts to establish an adulthood they are not ready for. When I was growing up, my friends and I ran through the woods. We placed dirt clods on busy roads and laughed as cars crushed them. We explored the swamp down the street and often wondered if we could make money by the carving of cypress knees (the fact that none of us had those skills nor knew how to harvest cypress knees was never taken into account).

Not only was our mischief different, our view of authority was different. We respected the police that drove languidly about town. We respected the school principal who was rumored to have a paddle in his desk (complete with holes drilled through the paddle head to ease its passage through air when delivering some deserved punishment). We respected our parents. We argued less with them and listened more. Parents weren’t concerned with being our friends, but being our protectors, our safe havens, our guideposts.

Since I was raised, times have gotten progressively more complicated. I have often wondered if my generation has done justice to those we fostered. I can proudly say that the children my wife and I have raised have a wonderful since of morality, caring, and toughness that they are passing on to their children. But I look at the nation now, and I see a profound inattention to any sort of moral compass.

There seems a hole where that compass should be. A hole whose pang of emptiness is more keenly felt as men of honor in the form of John McCain and George H W Bush pass from our company. Leaders who knew we must work together, who knew that compromise serves the country better than partisan winning. Compromise in governing reflects an inclusive nature, while winning at all cost is anathema to true governance.

Just yesterday, I heard that two state legislatures in a lame duck session were attempting to pass legislation lessening the power of the incoming opposition administration. This is a reflection of our current executive branch of the federal government which rejects the nature of having co-equal branches it serves with in favor of a more dictatorial approach that favors division and disenfranchisement.

We are not the only ones experiencing the rise of hate that has been lurking just below society’s surface. Across the globe, there are nationalist movements afoot similar to a greater or lesser degree than what is happening in the United States. But we cannot address the worlds problems in this area without getting our house in order. We can only be the true leader of the world by example, and not by a fiat bestowed upon our brow by our own hands. We must move from the fringes and recognize that we are a diverse nation that must be addressed as a whole, rather than ruled over by the cudgel of those given electoral control. If in politics we yield to the notion of winners, then we all are ultimately the losers.

The salvation I seek, for me can be found in the manner and times I was raised. There will always be a need for a moral compass. There will always be a need for authority that recognizes duty over power. There will always be a need to understand right and wrong. There will always be a need of those who pay it forward. Our jobs as adults and parents are not done yet.