Putting our Heads Together

Putting our Heads Together
I don't think he sees me

Tuesday, December 24, 2024

Snow Globes


 Living in the moment seems the best fit for me, because my memories seem to be more comprised of moments than events. Though there are some things I recall in toto, there are far more vignettes that comprise my recollections. Maybe I don’t have the focus or the energy to commit most things to memory. Maybe I simply do not have the bandwidth for it. Whatever the reason, my life separates into moments where some remain with me while others join the dinosaurs or the socks that disappear from the dryer. Taking time to reminisce on Christmases throughout my life, I do not have full memories in the round, but moments strewn along the path of my life. Smooth and shiny as river rocks – and I’m good with that.

 As a child, my paternal grandmother (Nanny) would come down from mythical Ridgefield, Connecticut to visit us. In my youngest of times, she arrived by train. I could not tell you if the station we picked her up from was in Columbia or Orangeburg or Branchville or some other town. I don’t remember if the station platform was wood or cement. I don’t even remember the mighty locomotive or Nanny disembarking from a passenger car. What sticks in my mind is the image of the rails disappearing in the distance where the parallel lines merged (obviously Connecticut). The Christmas gift of this vision was my first glimpse of infinity. Not bad.

 Christmas with Nanny was filled with recollections of her taking her grandchildren to Eckerd’s Drug Store at the Orangeburg Mall for lunch at their lunch counter where every year, the waitresses were excited to see her.  Of course, there also are the moments that exist within me of Nanny’s bad driving (the stuff of legends), of her lovingly saying to me in Arabic Ya Habibi, and her occasional expression of amazement with her wrinkled hand pressed to her forehead as she would moan “Sheesh ohboy!” The thing I remember most from these many Christmas visits was joining my siblings around the tree one Christmas morning with Nanny telling us that a noise had awakened her in the middle of the night. She got up to check on the cause of the sound to find Santa with his back to her putting presents under the tree. I can picture her in her flannel nightgown quietly scurrying back to her bed, because magic is a fragile thing.

Most of the other Christmases of my childhood come as images of me crawling stealthily beneath the tree and opening a seam or corner of gift wrap on my presents to see what I would be receiving. This never spoiled my Christmas morning. It simply changed the excitement of the unknown to the excitement of expectation. The joy of finally stripping the wrapping paper from a football helmet or Coleco hockey game that I couldn’t wait to play with. I am not ashamed to note that this excitement did not extend to the packages bearing shirts and sweaters.

 Beyond that my snippets of South Carolina Christmases are mostly glimpses of a tree, an ornament, a smile. One thing that was universal to every Christmas in the Handal household was my mom’s dogged efforts to ensure she spent the same amount on each child for the under-the-tree presents, and carefully planning for the same number of knick-knacks for each child’s stockings. This latter habit brought to me my biggest Christmas smile one year when I was back from Clemson for the holidays. As was the tradition, when we kids got up Christmas morning our stockings were the first thing we went for. Never knowing what to expect. This time when I emptied out the lumpy red velvet boot, out popped a magazine, some baseball cards, maybe a yo-yo, and a can of tuna. Grinning I turned to mom as she explained with more than a little undeserved embarrassment that she had miscounted my share of stocking stuffers and needed to add one more item to even things out.

 As an adult, the memory of any Christmas day is murky at best. This surprises me because I would think that especially the addition of Jean-Marie and the kids to my life would place most Christmases complete in my heart. But it is the spirit of the day that persists, the happiness, the chaos, the grazing on cookies and leftovers from the Christmas dinner. The larger memories for me with my wife and children are the whole of the season where I see Christmas parties that filled the house, and I am once again scouring the city with Jean-Marie to find those things we think the kids will love, driving around to see all the neighborhood Christmas displays that delighted us so, and the taking of turns on the phone talking to in-laws and out-laws, siblings and friends.

It is all of these moments of Christmas that scatter before me each year. They are not pieces that when rearranged complete a puzzle. They are snow globes, one scene in each. And as I pick up ones at random, I give each a shake, place them before the light and see what arises as the white flakes settle and the water clears. I get new snow globes every year. I have quite a wonderful collection.

 

Merry Christmas

Sunday, December 22, 2024

A Poet's Stigmata



It appears on my hands 

As dark splotches 

As black smears 

No need for a Thomas 

To probe their truth 

They are there, they exist 

As portals to words and spirits 

Practitioners and progenitors of the faith 

Stains assuming the quality 

Of through and through wounds 

Letting the breath of ghosts and giants 

Pass through them 

Chill winds of inspiration 

Urging my writing hand 

To cramp desperately about my pen 

Drawing my eyes from 

My hands and the blotted ink markings 

To the waiting page 

Where fresh ink will pass 

From heart, to hand, to pen, to pad 

Transubstantiated through the act of writing 

Changing ink into blood 

Blood into words 

Upon paper made flesh

Friday, November 22, 2024

Somber Sunrise


I cannot see horizons from my backyard

Rooftops and trees and fences effective camouflage

Overhead, the moon still hangs in darkness

Retreating from an east that glows with the threat of day

Advancing west along rose tendrils anointing far clouds

I watch this play out as the dogs play tag in the grass

Thinking on cares lying within me like a dead weight

I see the hope in the east, needing to believe in it

Needing to feel its warmth rather than the early chill

Needing more


Saturday, November 2, 2024

Rainbow from God


The sun slips
Behind the silhouette of mountains
Whose broad shoulders
Silently wait as
Both wall and gateway

Below the west rim of the world
It sends
A wavering red wash
To the low, dark, spread of clouds
Wine dark ripples heading East

Space and sky responding
As if liquid mediums
The setting sun
A celestial stone
Cast into a universal pond

The red undulating glow
Reaching towards the East
A struck match
Setting the hidden earth
Alight, aglow

A message sent from
Today to Tomorrow
A message of promise, hope
Not unlike
A rainbow From God

Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Songs in the Key of Life (How we add music to our life's soundtrack)

 


We all have a soundtrack to our lives, like the Jimmy Buffett tape (CD, mp3, phone) we slap on the car stereo for a summer trip to the beach. I personally like to listen to The Pretenders singing about the chain gang as I work in our garden as the days get warmer and warmer. But there is music that inserts itself unbidden along the way from doctor’s offices, elevators, dentist’s offices, and coffee shops to name a few. They are songs that stick as part of our life’s music because it gets stuck in your head, it embodies a certain irony, or simply and unexpectedly fills a moment.

Being a man of a certain age, I recall my most recent colonoscopy last year (unfortunately all are…uh…memorable). Gastroenterologists are their own breed who see the humor in what they do. Their offices often have blue signage with jokes that you can easily guess. Anyway, as with many procedures the doctor will have music playing that they prefer to work to. As the Propofol started to guide me into disremembering I could hear the music switch on to “Let’s Get it On,” by Marvin Gaye. That’s just wrong.

In the dentist’s office recently for the dreaded expensive deep gum cleaning, as the hygienist was going at my mouth sans Novocain (I can’t stand needles in my mouth), there was music playing over the office speakers. I don’t know if it was canned or simply a radio station, but as I listened while there was griding, probing, suction, and what I strongly suspect was the hygienist making funny shapes with my lips for her enjoyment, Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” played. Really?

Some music in my life attaches itself unintentionally to a moment, or activity. The one that comes easily to mind is my constant playing of the “Grand Illusion” album by Styx. It was the summer that I was finally taking time to read Peter Benchley’s “Jaws.” Now the two are forever intwined. Although, I guess it is fitting to think of shark attacks whenever “Come Sail Away” is played.

In that same vein, another memory comes forward. This time associated with my youthful days as a runner. In college, I was part of the Outta Control Track Club. Team colors black and blue of course (kudos to Eddie Pennebaker for coming up with that), and a team moto of “There is no control like outta control.” The guys and I were in Greenville just down the road from Clemson, joining in on a 4x5 mile relay. When it was my turn to run for the team, I took off. Legs pumping, breath coming fast but easy. I felt like I was flying as I ran the fastest 5-mile time of my life, 26:40. And in my head, the entire circuit was Mick Jagger wailing “Start Me Up.” I’m thankful that takes pre-eminence over the standard runner’s tunes of the theme from Rocky or Chariots of Fire.

I spend two or three hours a week in Coffee Shops, reading, writing, eating, and drinking good coffee. The music though is really hit or miss. Some shops like playing odd alternative music at low volumes which only leaves a jumbled misunderstood collection of words and notes in my head. A rare few play poplar music, and some play folk or jazz. This morning at Switchback Coffee just down the street, as I ate eggs and toast and had a mug of coffee (espressos and custom coffee drinks have fixed prices, the mug of drip is what you can afford or as I choose, the Pay It Forward option), they played popular music. Or actually music that at one time, long ago, and far away just to the east of the Death Star was popular. The last song that came as I was self-bussing and gathering my letter writing tools was “Loving You” by Minnie Riperton. Memories of high school came flooding back. But I no longer remember how I looked then, and my mind saw this old man amid timeless young ghosts. And though those thoughts are returning to dormancy, I cannot get “Loving You” out of my head even as I bid Alexa to play Rickie Lee Jones. Save me, Rickie.